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And so it begins... again.

Today is the first day of yet another semester of classes. I took the summer off with the idea that I would give myself a break and be ready for another year of attempting to figure out what the heck it is I'm trying to accomplish here. Considering the events of the summer - buying a townhouse, doing home improvements, unpacking, and just trying to keep up financially - I'm very glad I did. However, it seems to have made things harder. I'm used to having my time to myself again, and I'm not all that excited about having to give it up.

The class itself seems to be something I can slide through pretty easily if I don't let myself get too cocky. I keep having to remind myself that this is really an undergraduate class and it just doesn't have the same impact as a graduate class. It can't, even with a silly 10-15 page graduate project required by the powers that be. It's that same old fear of doing poorly, when I know, deep down, that it's cake if I let it be. I have to challenge myself.

Professor R's style is very much the kind of style I'd like to have if I were to ever become a professor. Straightforward, direct, and unequivocal, she sets the standard right from the very beginning. I like her already. However, she said something in the middle of class that disturbed me and effectively distracted me from whatever it was she was trying to say next. The gist of her comment touches on the basic crisis that I (and others I know) continually face: "If you're not passionate about this, if you don't absolutely love this industry, then you have to ask yourself, why are you here?" She went on to encourage reading magazines and keeping up with what's going on in the industry, which I do in a sense - I try to keep track of digital trends and stay aware of the direction for the magazines of the future. I'm as passionate about magazines as I am about a lot of things, but as I've said over and over before, I don't have one, specific passion that overrides all the rest. Even music, which I consider to be the pinnacle of my interest because it can incorporate my other great love (writing), is something I have to diligently work at to remain on top of things and not just let it slide into the muddy landfill of "things I want to be doing, but I'm just not doing them."

Not that I leave things in the landfill for long if they are truly important to me, but sometimes I just can't keep up, so I have to go hunting through the trash to find it again. I've picked up writing again after allowing it to lie far too long in the sludge. I can finally write the way I want to again - not for an assignment or because I have to for someone else but because I have to for me.

Is it a bad sign that I am coming to hate journalistic writing?



( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 28th, 2008 04:59 pm (UTC)
I think what most people never really realize, and is not highly advocated in this society, is that you may not have the same career forever. Our parents generation graduated high school and either picked a trade, or went to community college, maybe college, graduated, and worked for the same company for 30+ years until retirement. Our generation is a little different. Like you, I have many interests and I've come to realize that I want it all, and more than likely when I'm 40 my interests will have evolved even more. So learn as much as you can now, and maybe you only work for a magazine 2, 3, 5, 10 years, shoot, maybe only 6 months, but then you can teach, or work on the next great american novel, maybe right liner notes for a cd company, or edit a local newspaper, write PR for an animal rights company, whatever, maybe in your lifetime you will do ALL of those. And every time you take a class, or a job, volunteer, work on a project, you'll learn just a little bit more about the world and yourself and your role in it.
Aug. 29th, 2008 09:23 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad I have fabulous friends like you who "get" me. Love ya!
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )